Keeping your eye on Christ

The other day Seth brought Naomi to a graduation party. While they were there Naomi was playing with a another little girl. They were having a great time when Naomi all of a sudden started to cry. She tried to get comfort from her little friend but she was not interested in helping Naomi. However Naomi was trying and trying to hug her and be held but instead she was just pushed away. What Naomi didn't realize was that Seth was sitting near by ready and waiting to comfort her.

I can be very similar at times in my relationship with God. I get so focused on what I am doing that I can loose sight of Him. I will trust myself and make my own plans without going to my father for guidance or not being willing to wait for his timing. I will worry or get anxious about things that He can and will take care of. I get caught up in the tasks or the relationships and forget to spend time talking to God to really see where He is working and how I can join Him. And then when something goes wrong I will turn to other things or other people to help and comfort me. However the world will always let me down. But my heavenly father is just standing there, the whole time, waiting for me to come to Him so that He can hold me in his arms.

I need to regularly remind myself...He has a perfect plan and perfect timing (It can be so easy to loose sight of that) We are called to lean on Him, to cast our anxieties on Him, and to let our requests be made known to Him. He's got this, why try to take His job?

Patience

At the moment, I am not very fond of that word. Not that I am ever excited to be patient or to wait, but now as we await the arrival of our second child, I like it even less. With our sinful nature, patience does not come naturally (although some do struggle more with it than others). It says over and over again in the bible to have patience and to wait on the Lord (Romans 12:12, Psalm 37:7-9, Romans 8:25...). There are countless verses and if you want an example in an adorable 15 month old, come and spend the day with my daughter. There is no question about it, patience is something that we need to learn. However, it is not easy to learn.

Being a mom (and the waiting process up until that point) has definitely challenged me to be more patient. My due date is still a week away but I have been impatient for the last two weeks already. As the discomfort grows (as with my belly) it has been easy for me to rationalize my impatience. That it is understandable and I get a free pass when it comes to pregnancy. And the thing is, pretty much everyone that I talk with about it, are ok with it. I realize that some situations are more difficult or challenging than others (waiting for delivery not being very high on the list). However in my impatience, I have not been putting my trust in Christ. I have not really been believing that He has the best plan for me. I have been attempting to take control of the situation, at times even being frustrated with God. To put it plainly, I have been sinning. I don't want to rationalize my behavior. I need to be giving this over to God, no matter how I might feel in the moment. I don't know why, but we as Christians will pretend as if certain sins are acceptable but that is definitely not the truth. And I for one do not want to be living in sin, allowing the enemy to convince me that I am doing nothing wrong. I have and will continue to give this over to God, if the baby comes tonight, or if the baby doesn't come for three weeks yet. It isn't always easy but I know it is well worth it and will be way better in the long run.

Obedience

Naomi is growing and changing so much, it seems like every day she has learned something new. As she began to be more active it was natural to begin to give her instruction: helping put away toys and books, showing her the safe way to get up and down the stairs, not to play with plug ins, and how to hold a sippy cup, among many other things. Most of these things, I try to teach her for her safety. I know what can happen if she tries to stand while she walks up the stairs, she will fall (at least until she is bigger). Her legs simply can not reach to the next step, she needs to get down and crawl. Not only do I not want her to fail and get frustrated, I can see the cement floor at the bottom of the stairs and know that if she tried to go alone and I was not there to catch her, she would get seriously hurt. There are so many aspects that she can not yet process and understand.

Just recently she learned to say the word no. She has yet to say it in response when being told something to do (however I know that time is coming). She will walk around pointing at things that I had told her no to in the past, saying no repeatedly. This is most obvious when she comes into the bathroom as I am getting ready. She will walk in, go up to the trash can, point and say "no" then comes the toilet, "no" followed by the bathroom tissue and shower. A lot of the times once she has made her rounds, she will continue saying no as she goes back to the toilet paper and starts to unroll it. Trying to get as much on the floor as possible before mommy notices.

It is amazing to me how much this can remind me of my relationship with God. There have been many times in my life that I have struggled to trust God's leading. Where I haven't understood or been able to see the big picture. Sometimes it didn't make sense so I would fight against obedience and when I would finally give in, I was able to see more of what God had in mind and where He was working. Sometimes it would be difficult and I would want to give up and my loving Father would be there to encourage me down the narrow path. There have also been times where it has been so easy to focus on the "no". Where I dwell on the law, the rules, all the things that as a believer I am called not to be a part of. I would get so focused that I would completely loose sight of the freedom that I had in Christ. I would loose sight of the love that God poured out as He gave instruction, because He could see the big picture. He knew the consequences that would follow and didn't want that for me. he wanted me to prosper and grow. He didn't sit there making a list of rules to ruin our fun. He made rules because He loves us. Even though I am far from the perfect parent, I definitely identify with God in this area more since becoming a mom. He is not an absent father that only comes to make rules. He is a loving Father that wants to be there spending all the time He can with me. He wants to make me laugh and smile and be there for me when I cry. What a beautiful thing.

Transitions

In life, change is a given. In our life it seems like change and transitions are something that we can regularly count on. From the time that Seth and I got married (actually even before) we have been busy with transitioning to new jobs, new towns, new homes (or apartments), new country, new language, and a new baby (soon to add in another). We both have a strength of adaptability and if you look at our four years of marriage, God definitely had our future in mind. It seems like right when we have finally found a good routine something changes and we need to start over from scratch once again. Many people might get frustrated in this sort of situation however I enjoy the challenge of finding a new way to make it work. I have come to learn what a blessing it is to be able to handle the transition process well now that I have become a mom. Every week Naomi is doing something new and I am needing to change how I do something. Recently we are still working on finding a new routine since last week because Seth has been working, we are both in an online class and Naomi has successfully switched to one nap a day (while still keeping up on all of our other tasks). This will definitely not be the last transition. Change will continue to happen and I am encouraged that no matter what the situation, I can lean on God, the one thing that will never change. 

Us at the Christmas Program at the Matousek family gathering. Seth was a shepherd, I was an angel and Naomi was a lamb. For some reason we had three shepherds but only one lamb :) We need to get some more kids in the family!

Remembering

It blows my mind sometimes, how quickly things can change and how just that quickly, I forget how things used to be. Naomi has been sleeping through the night for a while now. However it really wasn't that long ago that she was still waking up multiple times in the night. (I have definitely gotten spoiled and will definitely have a new norm as soon as our next baby comes.) Over the past couple months I have really enjoyed the sleep. Then all of a sudden, last night I woke up at 1 am to the sound of Naomi crying. It actually took me quite a while to figure out what was going on, I had gotten so used getting the peaceful sleep.

For me this definitely isn't a one time occurrence. I forget about a lot of things in the past and focus more on the present. For example I have a hard time recalling movies that I have seen. Even if it was just a couple weeks ago that I watched them. In situations like that, I forget because it is just not very important to me. In situations like the first story, I forget because I like how things are now and don't want to dwell on the past when I was constantly waking up. However, I can also forget good things, ways God has worked in my life, fun experiences with my family as well as some of my German. For me with a lot of things, if I don't think about them regularly then I loose sight of them.

I see this happening at times the longer we are here in the states with Austria and the ministry there. Yes, we are here sharing with people on a regular basis how God has been using us there but it is still easy for to talk about the facts and not as much about my heart. I tend to notice though, the more I skype with people that are still there, the more I hear about the various ministries (both praises and prayer requests) and the more I spend time working on my German, the more my heart grows for the people there. The more I invest in the people, no matter how far away they are, the deeper they are etched into my heart.

Realizing these things has also convicted me of how quickly that can happen too with spending time with God. When it happens less often and the busier I get, the easier it is to forget and not make that time be a priority. In times like these I realize how important lists and schedules are for me to remember everything. As well as how important it is for me to encourage and remind (in a loving way) my husband of these things as well.

In remembering, I am going to share a few pictures from the past year that remind me of all the ways God has blessed and used us.

Mentor relationships

Those that we connected with through German Class

Naomi!

Giving Thanks

It is crazy to me how clear God can make it when He is trying to get a point across to me. I hear it from so many different directions all at the same time. Recently it has been how blessed I really am and how I need to turn around and give the credit and give thanks back to God. I am currently still discipling/mentoring three youth girls over skype. I shared a little bit about my relationship with Caro in the last post and how I was challenged to go on a walk with God and just give Him praise and thank Him for...everything. I learned a lot about myself including how selfish I can be during this time but I have been amazed how this conversation has come out in all of the 3 mentoring relationships that I have. It has come up through different passages of the Bible that we have been reading, different thoughts that they have and how they are being challenged. (Not to mention it was the week of Thanksgiving) It is clear that I have some growing to do and more thanks to give. Through this past week, God has really just amazed me: How well He can communicate with us, how much he provides, and how I am blessed way beyond anything that I deserve. However it is not because of my righteousness but because of His great mercy.

I find that now during this season of life for us with support raising that we go through ups and downs. That there are times where multiple people are deciding to partner with our ministry or at a higher level then they were every day and then there are some days where we are faithful and working hard and it seems like nothing is changing. It is easy for me to then wrap up my emotions and attitudes into how well support raising is going at the moment. A lot of this just happens naturally however this is not how God has called us to live. We should not be swayed by the changing of times but instead keep our focus on Him and find our stability and encouragement in him. I was reminded of this today as I met with Caro, a youth girl that i continue to meet with weekly over skype as we are here in the states. Sure our situation now is that of support raising but we can have this tendency no matter where we are in life and what we are doing. But really our joy is to come from Him and it doesn't matter what is going on in our life, we can always receive that joy from Him. She has been having a particularly difficult and challenging time in her life as she has been sick, responsibilities at school, an internship to prepare for, a driving test to accomplish, family obligations, and the list goes on. Sure, her life looks very different then mine but it would also be easy for her to let these things control how she is feeling and living her life. However this week we decided to go out alone and go on a walk with God and just spend time thanking Him for all that He has done for us. Praising Him for who He is. She made the time even though she did not think she would have enough time or energy to do it however she came back reenergized praising our Father in heaven, drawing her joy from Him. She has been such an encouragement for me to be seeking my joy and energy from Him no matter what. This has caused me to share some of the praises, thanks, and God sightings that I have from the last couple weeks.

- The fact that we live across the street from our nieces and nephews and are blessed to have them come over and visit frequently throughout the week (including now as Titus is playing with our Monopoly game)
- Being able to get together this last weekend with my whole family to celebrate Thanksgiving
- All the love and support that we receive from so many people that are regularly praying for us and the ministry in Innsbruck.
- The support of the organization that we are a part of.
- About a month ago we had an ultrasound and my placenta was very low and they had said if it doesn't move I would have to have a c-section so they would need to monitor it so we went in for another ultrasound a couple weeks ago. Right away the doctor mentioned that the placenta had moved a little bit but not enough so I would have to come in again in another month. She was encouraging and then went on checking different things in the ultrasound she was about ready to wrap up when she asked to take some more pictures of the baby's heart, it was just such a good angle. I said she could and right away when she went to zoom in on the heart she paused and said that the placenta moved, a long ways away from the bottom. She said that I must have been having a contraction earlier and that is way the placenta was so low at the time but now because she took her time she saw it go back to normal. She said I would not have to come back to have it checked on again. I however give the credit to God and am curious who it was that was praying for me and our baby at that exact moment.
- I was reminded by getting together with a friend how blessed I am that we have had one healthy baby and are pregnant with a second. Before Seth and I were married my doctor had told me that she didn't think it would be easy for me to ever get pregnant, if I would ever be able to. It had weighed on me for a long time and took a while to give that over to God and trust that He would bless us with children in His timing however He wants to. We however have been so blessed!

I could go on for a very long time, however I will stop so it doesn't get too long! God sure does bless us in so many different ways!